The trite cliché that we hear and learn so early on. Positively charged ions attract negatively charged ions. Oppositely charged poles of magnets are irresistibly drawn to each other. Even on the colour wheel, the colours that look best together are placed opposite each other and called complementary colours. So clearly seen in the way the world works, how can this principle not hold good when we delve into the mysterious realm of romantic relationships? So the blonde, fair and beautiful Disney princess invariably finds her match in the tall, dark and handsome prince and then they ride off into the glittering sunset to begin their happily ever after. And so we spend most of our youth dreaming of that special somebody who can “complement” us.

“Oh the follies of silly, silly youth!”, we who have invariably married our opposites think, “if only we’d known then what we know now! Sigh!” Let me present to you the case of my husband and I. S is organized. He works best when things are in its place. I’m disorganized. I can work oblivious to mess and chaos all around me. He believes there is one right way to do everything and I feel there are many equally legitimate ways to do any given thing. He loves to be around people. It energizes him. I can be around people for a period of time but it drains me and I’ll need to schedule what I call “alone time” to get re-energized. Time is very important to him whereas, I am quite capable of going through my day without ever looking at the clock. He works best in the mornings and he needs to wake up early everyday. “Sleeping in” is a concept that appals him. I am at my best at night when everything is quiet and my day’s duties are done. Waking up post-eleven during holidays was a routine part of my pre-wedding days. He wakes up every morning with a plan. I wake up and then plan as I go. He reads to fall asleep while I can’t ever get to sleep if I have a book in front of me. He reads mainly spiritual books, I mostly read fiction. He loves places of historical interest; I think they’re yawn-worthy. I could go on and on.

Recently, we took the Myer-Briggs personality test and surprise-surprise, we found that we were opposite on every given index. He’s an ESTJ (Extrovert, Sensor, Thinker, Judger) while I’m an INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver). It doesn’t get more complementary than that!

One of our first fights was about how to cut an onion. Yes, you read that right. There I was, newly married and trying not to mess up the upma I was making for breakfast when S walks in to make sure everything’s ok. Unsuspectingly, I picked up an unpeeled onion, placed it on its side and sliced it through the middle. Then I proceeded to peel the half that I intended to use for the afore-said upma when I was rudely interrupted by a horrified shriek. “What are you doing, Blodie?!!! That’s not how you cut an onion!” I was informed that nobody in the entire universe cuts an onion that way and that it was “unscientific”. Ask anyone, he said. The right way was to peel the entire onion first, then wash it and then cut it. In my mind it didn’t matter as long as clean, chopped onions went into the food whereas for him it did matter. It mattered a whole lot.  Trivial to me; earth-shattering to him.

How do we ever get this thing called marriage to work, you may wonder. Well, one of the first things we learnt was that since there’s no one in the world exactly like you, it’s fairly obvious that you and your spouse will have differences. It’s about the commitment we made to each other and choosing to love and understand. By determining not to let walls build up and lead separate lives, we constantly come head-to-head with issues caused by our differences. It’s painful and difficult during the process of working things out, compromising, and trying to change things that bother the other person. But it pays off to work on your marriage, I’ve found. You pay a high price (relinquishing freedom, privacy, ego) but you reap even richer dividends. S and I are the best of friends, we discuss everything together. We work as a team and have tons of fun just being around each other. And most importantly, I find the love just continues to grow as the years go by, becoming a love that is richer, purer and so satisfying.

So you opposites out there, take on those conflict issues with boldness and love. Tear down those walls ruthlessly and yield to the beautiful journey that Jesus envisioned in when He created marriage.